I Need To Lay Off The Mimosas.

I was at work a few days ago and I see an issue of Paper Magazine in our breakroom. I am very fond of the magazine and Mickey Boardman's pieces. I was reading his column "Ask Mr. Mickey" where he puts his input on questions gay men like me would ask. I came up on this question...


DEAR MR. MICKEY,
I'm not the wildest of sorts, but that's not to say I can't throw back a couple of wu wu's and a Jägerbomb every hour on the hour. I currently hold a job with reasonable hours and on average go out, let's say...four nights a week? Truth is, I'm bordering on what the kids might refer to as being "burnt out". I'm tired of running on low energy but don't really have the time for total relaxation and revitalization. I was wondering if you had any suggestions (i.e. diet or beverage changes, disco naps, etc.) about how to stay energized while at the same time seizing the night and all of her ambrosial offerings. --Frankly Fagged


Dear Frankly F'd
You're like the club whore equivalent of a working mother juggling responsibilities, and sometimes you just can't have it all. Yes, it's fun to run the streets and pull your dress up over your head in every dive bar in town, but there's only so much of that a girl can take and still show up fresh-faced at her desk at 9 a.m. It's important that you do a good job and make you boss love you, regardless of how often you go out, because if you get shit-canned who's going to pay for your drinks and recreational pharmaceuticals? The best plan is a preventative attack. Pick and choose the parties you go to. Don't be the girl who'll go to any party or any dumpy dive and stay till closing time. Pop out for one little drink but save the big blowouts for the fabulous parties. Or pop out for a soda pop, because if you don't guzzle booze, you'll feel better in the morning. MM isn't saying you should drink Ovaltine while you're partying backstage with the Stones, but if you're just hanging around your local bar with your friends, there's no need to get blitzed. That way you'll be fresh and rested when the real wild nights happen. Although from the sounds of your question, you're a serious alcoholic and you might want to check yourself into rehab immediately.



Holy shit. I think I wrote that question when I was drunk because that sounded like me! Oh sad. And I'm writing this after coming home from an afternoon mimosa session with a good friend. That did put some perspective in my life. I really do need to choose my battles. Lay off the hard liquor for the good events. Sadly, there's a real good event tonight. Oh well....